BLOG 142: DISINGENUOUS

Tuesday, 8 February 2011

BLOG 142: Disingenuous

“That’s not a lie, it’s a terminological inexactitude. Also, a tactical misrepresentation.”
Alexander Haig

No one wants to admit that they are a LIAR. We’d all much rather say we are occasionally disingenuous (not candid or sincere) with the information we give. It’s referred to as “careful speaking”. Apparently ‘careful speaking’ is distinct from lying in that the speaker simply wishes to avoid imparting certain information or admitting certain facts but goes out of their way not to lie when doing so. Careful speaking involves using carefully-phrased statements to give a ‘half-answer’: one that does not actually ‘answer’ the question, but still provides an appropriate, accurate, answer based on what they’ve been asked.

BULLCRAP!!!

Lying is lying.

‘Careful speaking’ sounds a little like what politicians do… restrain from telling the whole story. Why would that be? To manipulate the reception of the truth. Which means you are not actually telling the truth.

And if you are NOT telling the truth…. you are lying.

Of course we all have wonderful motives for why we don’t tell the truth. Most of these motives are in fact for the greater good. I recall only to well when I asked “Does this dress make me look fat” that the totally truthful answer “No.. it’s your fat that makes you look fat”, did not go down too well!

However, it made me wonder….What would the world be like if we all told the truth all the time?

Here’s the top twenty ways people avoid telling the truth… and the JaxWorld alternative (the total truthzone): what we WOULD say if we really all told the TRUTH. The WHOLE truth… and NOTHING but the truth.

1.Compliments and false reassurances

White lies or exaggerations intended to placate the other person.”That looks very nice on you” to a friend in a new dress. “Help will arrive in a minute”, to a friend impaled on a fence.

Or in the total truthzone…

• “Actually, that is categorically the worst outfit I have ever seenanyone in.”
• “The ambulance will arrive… but after you are dead”

2. Bluffing

To bluff is to pretend to have a capability or intention one does not actually possess. Commonly used in work situations where, rather than admit to having a lack of skill or understanding an employee will bluff. In gaming situations bluffing is consented to in advance by the players and is acceptable and is commonly expected as a tactic.

Or in the total truthzone…

• “No Sir… not a clue WHAT you’re on about or HOW to do it …AT ALL!”
• “So… what’s the worst hand? The 7/2 off suit I have or the 9/2 off suit I can see the guy next to me has?”

3. Bold faced lie

A bold-faced lie, refers to a lie told with a straight and confident face (hence “bold-faced”), usually with the corresponding tone of voice and emphatic body language of one confidently speaking the truth.Bold-faced Lie can also refer to misleading or inaccurate newspaper headlines.

Or in the total truthzone…

• “I have to tell you my expression and body language do give my words a gravitas they really don’t deserve, cause I made up every single word!”
• OUR NEWSPAPER HAS A POLITICAL SLANT THAT REFLECTS THE VIEWS OF OUR OWNER AND ADVERTISERS SO PLEASE DON’T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU READ (oh and the Bingo is fixed).

4.Contextual lie

One can state part of the truth out of context, knowing that without complete information, it gives a false impression. Likewise, one can actually state accurate facts, yet deceive with them. To say “yeah, that’s right, I ate ALL the peanut butter, ALL by myself” utilizing a sarcastic, offended tone, may cause the listener to assume the speaker was not making a confession, when in fact he was.

Or in the total truthzone…

• “Yeah, that’s right, I never tell the truth when I’m talking like this”

5. Economical with the truth

Economical with the truth is popularly used as a euphemism for deceit, whether by volunteering false information or by deliberately holding back relevant facts. More literally, it describes a careful use of facts so as not to reveal too much information. People commonly use truth economies when trying to get a motorist to run an unexpected errand…which is always seemingly going to take a couple of minutes of their time.

Or in the total truthzone…

• “It’s not five minutes down the road… well it is should you have a helicopter, but seeing this is an urban area we are talking about the least rewarding twenty minutes anyone will spend in their car, oh and once you get there the parking is a bitch”

   

6. Emergency lie

An emergency lie is a strategic lie told when the truth may not be told because a third party is present and it is desired for that person not to know about the subject under discussion. Commonly used in the presence of a child or a person for whom an unexpected event is planned.

Or in the total truthzone…

• “Yes, we managed to get all the shopping done for [third parties name]’s surprise birthday party, I can’t WAIT to see his surprised face on the night!”

7. Exaggeration

An exaggeration occurs when the most fundamental aspects of a statement are true, but only to a certain degree. It is also seen as “stretching the truth” or making something appear more powerful,enjoyable, terrible, meaningful, or real than it actually is.Often used when a host asks you what they thought of their event. “Oh Frank’s party was the best!… it was GREAT!”

Or in the total truthzone…

• “Franks party was an okay use of my Saturday night”

8. Fabrication

A fabrication is a lie told when someone submits a statement as a truth, without knowing for certain whether or not it actually is true. Although the statement may be possible or plausible, it is not based on fact. But in defense of my countrymen, most people in England tell complete fabrications because we’d die of embarrassment if we told the truth! A common example of fabricating would be when a person giving directions to a tourist when the person doesn’t actually know the directions himself, and political propaganda is another common use of fabrication.

Or in the total truthzone…

• “ I have no idea where Buckingham Palace is from here, but that’s because we’re in Birmingham…”
• “Okay, my government hasn’t a clue what it is doing, but I’m in charge and that job comes with a great house so yes… I’ll keep lying to you so I can keep it a bit longer”

9. Jocular lie

Jocular lies are lies meant in jest, intended to be understood as such by all present parties. A more elaborate instance is seen in some storytelling traditions, where the humour comes from the storyteller’s insistence that the story is the absolute truth, despite all evidence to the contrary. Urban myths are part of this hertiage.

Or in the total truthzone…

• “There was no dead rat in my KFC, no one got a pubic lice in their eye after being hit by a strippers panties, and no one reallydoes find Carol Voderman sexy”

10. Lie to children

A lie-to-children is a lie, which is told to make an adult subject acceptable to children. Common examples include lies to children in reference to childbirth and the existence of Santa, the Tooth Fairy or the Easter Bunny.

Or in the total truthzone…

• “Well children…. your mother got heinously drunk and forced me to have wild and possibly unnatural sex with her on your grandma’s banquette…yes, the one you are sitting on now…”

11. Lying by omission

One lies by omission when omitting an important fact, deliberately leaving another person with a misconception. Propaganda is often an example of lying by omission. Lying by omission includes failures to correct pre-existing misconceptions. An example is when an estate agent highlights the proximity to the commuter services but not the frequency of the freight trains after midnight.

Or in the total truthzone…

• YES…it’s a lovely flat, and easy to get to the station in the mornings however the hourly night freight trains will shake your fillings out at night”

12. Lying in trade

The seller of a product or service may advertise untrue facts about the product or service in order to gain sales. Mascara advertisements regularly are pulled up for claiming they can give the enhanced look you see on screen which are actually achieved with the use of false eyelashes.

Or in the total truthzone…

• “This product guarantees that lashes WILL look fuller but not in a good way; it just looks like you have applied too much mascara.”

13. Lying through your teeth

When one lies face-to-face with the intended recipient. This type of lie can be simply done with tone of voice but isn’t always verbal and can be communicated costume or body language. For example.. you are in hospital…you ask the lady in a white coat if you will live…and she shakes her head. You assume you are going to die.

Or in the total truthzone…

• “I’m not your doctor…I got the white coat from the girl on theClinique counter at Boots”

14. Misleading/dissembling

A misleading statement is one where there is no outright lie, but still retains the purpose of getting someone to believe in an untruth. “Dissembling” likewise describes the presentation of facts in a way that is literally true, like naming a university and saying you went there for three years to intentionally mislead an employer to think you have a degree from there.

Or in the total truthzone…

• “Actually I went to the London School of Economics for three years at lunchtime to buy prawn sandwiches from their canteen – I wasn’t a student or anything”

15. Noble lie

A noble lie is one that would normally cause discord if uncovered, but offers some benefit to the liar and assists in an orderly society, therefore, potentially beneficial to others. It is often told to maintain law, order and safety. Like telling unruly youths that you can see police coming in order to disperse the crowd.

Or in the total truthzone…

• “Carry on everyone… no one’s getting in trouble with the law today!”

16. Perjury

Perjury is the act of lying or making verifiably false statements on a material matter under oath or affirmation in a court of law, or in any of various sworn statements in writing. Perjury is a crime, because the witness has sworn to tell the truth and, for the credibility of the court to remain intact, witness testimony must be relied on as truthful.

Or in the total truthzone…

• “I swear on this holy book to tell the truth…so I better let you know now that Johnny’s me hubby and there is no way I want him serving time, so even though he did it and the swag is under our bed, I’m saying he was home with me all night…OK?”

17. Puffery

Puffery is an exaggerated claim typically found in advertising and publicity announcements, such as “the highest quality at the lowest price.” Such statements are unlikely to be true – but cannot be proven false; especially as the consumer is expected to be able to tell that it is not the absolute truth.

Or in the total truthzone…

• “No… we did not mop up that spill with one sheet… more like one roll, but you knew that cause it’s the same round your house when you knock a drink over”

18. What lie

What lie is the use of a disingenuous statement made by pretending that one knows less about a situation than one really does. Typical example would be a politician saying that his government was not part of a decision making process…only for wiki leaks to prove that they were knee deep in the decision making process.

Or in the total truthzone…

• “We had a choice, cheap oil for the living and British or expensive incarceration of a terrorist whose victims are dead and foreign – so we did the deal”

19. White lie

White lies are minor lies which could be considered to be harmless, or even beneficial, in the long term but sometimes can be harmful if they are used to give false hope. Example will be telling someone who has experienced difficulty that it is ‘just a bump in the road’ and all will be well soon.

Or in the total truthzone…

• “Sometimes a setback is a sign to stop”

20. Whopper

A lie which attempts to trick the victim into believing something major which will likely be contradicted by some information the victim already possesses, or by their common sense. When the lie is of sufficient magnitude it may succeed due to the victim’s reluctance to believe that an untruth on such a grand scale would indeed be fabricated.An example of this is when a ‘property developer’ extols the virtues of a piece of land that you are sure is in fact a bog in Eire, but gives such a convincing pitch with audio visuals and positive feedback from other clients who have bought into it that you just can’t help but override your own knowledge.

Or in the total truthzone…

• “Actually it’s a complete scam… but the commission i’m on is soooo fabulous I had to try to reel you in”

 

Thing is, we all lie. If you are about to say you never do… you’ve just told a whopper! We lie. We lie because we’re scared of harm, conflict, punishment, rejection, loss…and occassionally we lie to help friends and loved ones.

I have no idea why we’re all so crap about admitting we are all just big fat hairy liars! To be honest, lying is actually an admirable and useful social skill when we use it responsibly… but THAT’S not why we do it!…

 

The fundamental reason why people lie is because mostly it works. And THAT my dear reader….is the Truth about Lies.   The JaxWorld Blog can be followed on Twitter- http://twitter.com/#!/JaxWorldBlog If you enjoyed this blog and you want to contact Jax or find out more about the JaxWorld blog, pls log onto :http://thejaxworldblog.vpweb.co.uk/ Thanks for continuing to vote for JaxWorld as the Best Blog about Stuff and for ALL your support that has made this blog such a huge success.

 

BLOG 141: EnVOGUE

Friday, 4 February 2011

BLOG 141: ENVOGUE

“Clothes are like a gloss that sets off everything…invented more to enhance physical advantages than to veil physical defects.”
Honore de Balzac

We’e all living longer. We’re all looking better. We’re all redefining sterotypes every day. YAY BRITTANNIA! This is a cool time to be a woman “of a certain age” in the UK. How old is a woman of a certain age? They used to say it was point when men stop wanting to have sex with you which used to be around 50… but then Goldie Hawn and Helen Mirren are undisputed bombshells at over 65… so time is very much still on your side! We live in the age where it’s no longer an issue to have half a century or more of living your life behind you and we’ve got to a point where we accept that you have many more years of living your life to come. There’s only just one problem we can’t seem to escape.

And that problem isn’t being comfortable in your over-50 skin: wisdom, maturity and fulfillment boost your sense of well-being, the problem is getting that over-50 skin dressed! It used to be that women over 50 were expected to wear dark blue or black preferably with gold buttons or a pearl necklace for detail. Clothes for older women were conservative – maybe even a bit ‘dowdy’. Now the old rule book has been torn up what on earth is a 50 + woman supposed to wear? Sometimes it’s a real challenge is simply finding wearable, modern clothes.

If you listen to the fashion gurus apparently fashion is now ageless, but that’s no consolation when you have to pick through racks of miniskirts and low-rise jeans. Whilst it is clear what you are supposed to wear to be on trend when you are in the first flush of youth, things become rather more difficult when the only thing you know is you are a tade to old for flashing your midrift.

When you were younger advice used to come in fashion magazines. These would show pictorials and give advice of what to wear in inumeral situations but over time these become useless as many totally ignore women over a certain age. Even when the glossies try to address the issue, they tend to forget that mature women wish to be fashionable daily not just for special occasions. (In Vogue‘s “The Age Issues” the covers promise to show you what to wear from “17 to 70” yet a typical spread showed mother of the bride outfits for the over 50’s). Designers and magazines only show styles on youthful models, (In an ‘age issue Vogue’ showed a ballgown for the over 60’swith 23-year-old Maggie Rizer wearing it) claiming their audiences only wish to see youthful taut forearms and flat tummies – and presumably their older readers only get dressed for their kids weddings or the annual company ball!

Onthe High Street there has never been much interest in providing a large choice for the older woman -the reasoning being that older women know what works for them and stick to it. Where as her younger sisters are still trying out ‘who they want to be’ so it is much more difficult for them to establish a consistent clothing style therefore they in theory shop more often. This is supposed to be clear retail buisness sense. However, the most powerful and influential consumers are women aged between 50 and 69, who buy more designer fashion and luxury goods than any other group, while the over-55s also control about 80 per cent of the country’s wealth – a pot that is estimated to grow to £6.4 billion by 2014. It really does seem as if this group was being sidelined for no sensible economic reason.

But there is good news: while it may seem that shopping centres are packed with teenage clothes, you can still find fresh, current looks that can work for the older woman. Stores like M & S offer lines such as Per Una and Autograph- a trend copied by many of the most successful retailers, such as Wallis with their Yasmin le Bon range and even H&M with their new line Cos. The High Street is moving away from old school frumpy which proves at last there is movement towards real assistance in the mature womans quest for real fashion.

However, we are still a long way away from being able to shop with wild abandon. Mary Portas The Uk’s top retail advisor recently went public with her despair at the limited choices available for ‘women on certain age’. “At the moment in fashion, youth represents sex appeal, and the fashion industry and the media are responsible for this. We need to shift perceptions. It’s about fashion that’s age-appropriate that can also be glamorous and sexy.Even if businesses do cater for older women, there’s not much I would want to wear” She’s right of course, the majority of the High Street aimed at a much younger market and clothes for the older woman tend to be in a frumpy corner of the store. However what ever the state of the British High Street it is good to know that practically any fashion trend can be adapted… if you know some general guidelines.

We’ve all heard the same advice on the “most appropriate” way for women over fifty to dress. “Wear loose clothing”, “Cut your hair short” and “Avoid trendy”. Fortunately those suggestions are becoming less and less appropriate for real women. Turning fifty doesn’t necessarily mean you wake up one morning and find your jeans don’t fit, your cleavage is a little farther down…if you can find your glasses to see any of this decay, of course!) . Turning fifty often is just a case of waking up and being one day older than the day before. Today a 50 something women can also be fashionable and regarded as a style icon. Fashion for women over 50 doesn’t have to mean twinset and pearls.

Four handy points

• Only an inexperienced youth would think dressing sexy means you have to expose every body part. Being older is all about sensuality in which an asset can be highlighted by the cut (neckline, bias, lenght) or by luxe fabrics (silk, leather, cashmere, fur) or rich colors (wine, chocolate, plum, champagne and midnight).
• Handbags scream your age to the world! Be careful to refresh your choices. Have some fun with your handbag choice by trying lively colours, ususual fabrics and different shapes. The key here is to find a bag in a good proportion to your size. Shoulder bags that fit under the armpit (not too tiny or huge) are generally the most flattering.
• Shop for wearable attire, if your clothes flow and your shoes don’t cripple, you ”glide about” with the confidence and self-assurance your age and experience has earned you. Leave stiff ungiving fabric for those who do not know better.
• Use accessories to create maximum impact. Wear your accessories in new ways: wearing hairbands as shoulder details, necklaces as a belt, scarves as headresses or a dress clip on a hat etc.

And for those you prefer to have never ending lists to tick, here is a list of Does and Don’ts put together by a panel of stylist who (after they finished contradicting each other) came up with more things not to do than to actually do… but most of it is common sense.

Don’ts

• Don’t get too skinny it ages you. (Remember 10lb heavier or 10 yrs older is the usual choice)
• Don’t wear baggy, shapeless clothes. Body shapes are much publicised so there is no excuse to not know your shape and wear clothes that set of your assets.
• Don’t wear fussy daytime prints like tiny florals. Also avoid fussy, frilly evening wear.
• Don’t wear overdone details..(trim, gold buttons) they are terribly aging. Go for simple tailored lines
• Don’t forget that if you have to wear a suit, skirt suits are not kind. Trousers are generally much more youthful. Equally jackets are less flattering to the older woman than a suit coat worn over trousers.
• Don’t expose too much upper arm and neck as they are both tricky areas for most women over a certain age.
• Don’t overdo the grooming. Stiff hair is scarily Thatcher-like! Long hair is aging but short cuts aren’t the only answer- a midlength ponytail always looks smart and youthful.
• Don’t wear capes or shawls unless you are either little red riding hood or her granny!
• Don’t think all black is just for teenage goths and emos! It looks great, especially when textures are mixed: leather, patent, fur, cotton (this lightens it up a bit and gives it life).
• Don’t overdo the glitz! Too much colour — brightly painted nails and lips, strongly coloured eyelids and cheeks are terribly aging.

Do

• Don’t turn your clothing into uniforms. Be unpredictable, wear a variety of attire.
• Effect a natural look in beauty, that means ditch the powder and heavy warpaint but still emphasise the eyes, and get those brows shaped!
• Ditch the pastels and invest in rich colours. BUT when in doubt, go for black & white. You can’t go wrong with monochrome: eternally elegant, modern chic.
• Ditch the prints and go for bold, classic patterns in black and white: houndstooth checks, stripes, argyles.
• Choose classic shapes: Shirtdresses, trench coats, jean jackets and jeans are eternally youthful in spirit.
• Go for unfussy chic: minimalist, functional designs and details. (Hint: zips are far more youthful than aging gold buttons).
• Only wear shorter skirts if you have good legs (but not too short — let the hem fall around the knee).
• Invest in several fitted black tops. They are indispensable, flatter everyone and they always look great for day or night.

Anyone who has seen Jenny Eclair’s very funny skit on the perils of being ‘of a certain age’ when you go shopping, will know that getting yourself dressed when you reach the half century isn’t a easy task. But it CAN be done, and you don’t have to end up looking like Miss Marple meets Mrs Thatcher with a sprinkling of Mrs Cartland; like with all things in life it’s a case of knowing what to ditch and knowing what to keep.

Even though every fashionable woman will always enjoy looking at the young, trendy new styles ,it’s a case of knowing what you can get away with. Understated is prettier and classier, keep everything soft be it your hair, makeup or clothing. Pretier and classier always turns heads and keeps pulses racing….even if it does feel the only pulse racing is yours as you sift through racks of unsuitables till you find something wearable! But take heart…. designers and retailers may try to make you feel your best years are certainly behind you but this young Hollywood actor (26) said famously at this years Golden Globes about a certain Hollywood actress (57)… “It always takes my breath away when I see an “older” woman who has really done her look beautifully…blows ALL the other fish out of the pond”.

Women in their 50’s are at their greatest fashion crossroads. Their status is so different from the 50 year olds of their own youths, to find a way to present themselves to the word is confusing, frustrating and sometimes embarrassing. But to be honest when it comes to clothing it’s all in the old saying… . Aging is a case of mind over matter: If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter!


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If you enjoyed this blog and you want to contact Jax or find out more about the JaxWorld blog, please log onto :http://thejaxworldblog.vpweb.co.uk/

Thanks for continuing to vote for JaxWorld as the Best Blog about Stuff and for ALL your support that has made this blog such a huge success.

 

BLOG 140: Bye Bye Baby

Monday, 31 January 2011

BLOG 140: Bye Bye Baby

BYE BYE BABY

 

“If you have never been dismissed by your child…you have never been a parent” Bette Davis

 

It is an odd thing when you realise that the people who sacrificed the most for you, who will love you unconditionally , who are genuinely invested in your future, are the two people you least want to call for a chat. I’m talking about parents here… and if you are one of those people who call yours 5 times a day… then either stop reading Now or carry on reading for an insight into the world of the unrewarding child. For I am that child.

 

It’s a terrible thing to play favourites. Good parents go out of their way not to favour one child over the other, making sure attention is doled out equally and that they never say to any of their offspring’s face (at least) “You’re my favourite”. It must be hard as one is either engaged with another human being or not… and sometimes offspring or not, a child can be pretty dull if you do not share the same perspective or interests. Never the less good parents cajole, advise, love and comfort all their children through babyhood, childhood, adolescence and into adulthood. However once the job is done many a parent finds themselves off their child favourite confidante list.

 

To lose intimacy with a child at this point must cause a deep grief – a sensation one does not expect to have for a living relative. But the reality for parents of grown up children who never call, who never invite their parents round, who somehow think of their parents as simply another chore is that the carefully nurtured relationship has died. All that remains is a faintly humiliating one way flow of love. I’m not saying that there is a big outstanding debt of love and the offspring are feckless and ungrateful… but I am saying that it’s got to hurt.

 

It’s a natural progression that the child will become an adult and go forward into the world and stand upright alone. It’s a natural progression that is somewhat flagged up by nature by reducing the cute factor of any child on the run up to adolescence, then ensuring the mood swings of adolescence itself encourage a gradual letting go by even the most enamoured of parents. I doubt if there is much than can prepare a parent for the vacuum caused by an empty nest but it strikes me as odd that they didn’t see it coming. Parenting ends with the child being able to fend for itself.

 

A parents job is to teach responsibility, decision-making and consequences of actions. The point is to provide a solid emotional, physical and educational foundation so that the child can get on with building a life. It’s not entirely selfless… it’s in a parent interest to let loose sound people into the future – after all it is those very people who will be in charge of making decisions for the parents final days.

 

So why is it that only 47% of grown adults actually get around to having meaningful relationships with their parents after they have flown the coup? Surely if responsibility has been instructed properly, surely if the relationship was warm and loving …a change of location and the passing of years should not bring about an end to dialogue.

 

Ermmmmmmmmmmm.

 

Here lies the problem of this unrewarding child .

 

My parents were fantastic. My childhood was (eight occasions out of ten) pretty much the source of envy amongst my friends. I laughed more than I cried. I was never bored, I had more ex-curricular activities than most kids of my era… Saturday morning pictures, dance lessons, music lessons and ice-skating was our family sport. I went to sporting events, concerts (their taste and mine), toured around these beautiful islands ( I grew up before every man jack flew to the sun). Went to youth club, Girls Brigade, went away to camp and during the long long summer break was allowed to hang out with my mates with a freedom modern children would find hard to comprehend. Sure all this came with a long line of chores and expectation and I operated under a set of rules that made it clear my freedom would come to an abrupt halt should it impinge on anyone else’s.

 

You would think having admitted my parents were fantastic and that they set me up well for adult life I would be on the phone ever 5 minutes since leaving home.

 

But I’m not.

 

And you know why? Because my parent’s are my parents. They brought me up to have values I believed in and build for myself a life I could trust… a life that would make me happy. They really didn’t give me any indication that a reward for their hard work should be anything more than me being happy in a life that I could trust.

 

So I need something I have built for myself that I can trust. To make all my parents hard work mean something. My Jobs never turned out to be for life. My long term relationships never turned out to be forever. Quite a few of the things I built since leaving home one by one/bit by bit have all crumbled to nothing. Not in a boo-hoo poor me kind of way, just in a “It’s the modern world – go figure” kind of way. Abandonment is something my parents never had to deal with. They came from a world more stable in it’s values and commitments. It is the curse of all parents to be equipping children for a world that they themselves have no knowledge of.

 

BUT something I did build was my friendships. These relationships have become my one constant- the family I chose,the family I built… the network of people I’ve created because of the values and strength my parents gave me.

 

So it seems entirely natural that I confide in them and NOT my parents. To discuss the variables of my life with my parents seems a huge betrayal…to let them view the incompleteness of their labours. Besides… that’s what my friends are for. And if that makes me an unrewarding child then so be it.

 

To me my parents were the people who gave me solid foundations, who prepared me for life and adulthood. I was never prepared for the possibility of my parents becoming my friends.

 

I’ve always thought that the parent-child relationship was so special, so exclusive that being friends was the complete antipathy of it. They never really cared if I liked them or not, they were clear in their mission to prepare me for adulthood. Some of the decisions they took did not predisposes them to win any popularity contests. Even though I knew they were pretty interesting and had great back-stories before they were my parents – it was a little difficult to see them as people. They were my parents.

 

However it now appears it is de rigueur to be mates with your parents. It is not enough to vaguely be around your parents life – you have to be knee deep in it, and they yours. You should be socially interacting with them as you would your mates. Okay that is at the extreme end of the scale but at the very least you should be constantly checking in with news and requests for advice.

 

The very thought appals me. Call me old fashioned but I’d rather not divulge the minutia of how adulthood is working out for me with my parents. I just prefer to allow them the feeling that in this thing… they completed the job. To me this latest development would be like saying “Hey … hi…it’s me, your number two offspring, well, you know that life you set me up for ,you know all the hours you worked so I could have dance classes and skating boots, the parent-teacher meetings so I could be put in the classes that would stretch me, the long drive to uni…well…it didn’t QUITE work out… sorry about that now… either of you fancy that new club in town?”.

 

 

I may still be a work in progress and probably always will be … but they set me up to be able to build my own life…and to me that also includes my own support network.

 

 

So no…I don’t go out dancing with my Dad. My Mother and I don’t shop for shoes together. And no… I have no reason to call them 5 times a day with updates on my life. I have no desire to get more intimate with them than anything that occurred during the 18 years of them setting my moral compass. Decades have past since I left the parental home and I am now a parent myself. But not much has changed fundamentally. My Parents remain in the role of my parents, I cannot think of any upgrade on that role. It is an exclusive part only open to the two people who bore and raised me… anything else would be a downgrade in my eyes. My parents are not my mates.

 

In fact I would go as far as to say that the way I behave and communicate with my friends is completely different from the way I act and talk to my parents. I love them unconditionally, what they have done (and continue) to do for me is selfless in the extreme and I value our connection. I discharge my daughterly duties with love and enthusiasm… but at a respectful distance.

 

 

I’m all grown up now. I am lucky enough to have friends. And I’m lucky enough to still have parents.

And I am old enough to know there IS a difference.

 

 

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BLOG 139: Head in the Sand

Tuesday, 25 January 2011

BLOG 139: Head in the Sand

“Collective fear stimulates herd instinct, and tends to produce ferocity toward those who are not regarded as members of the herd”.Bertrand Russell

 

This morning I discovered that I am prejudiced. I like to think of myself as liberally minded but NO. I’m prejudiced. If prejudiced means an adverse judgement or opinion formed beforehand or without knowledge or examination of the facts… then I am prejudiced. And you want to know who enlightened me… 36-year-old MP for Esher and Walton Mr Dominic Rabb. And I can tell you… I’m horrified! Look i best explain what happened.

 

This morning while doing my editorial duty… reading every newspaper while drinking copious cups of coffee and eating toast… I came across Dominic Rabb making pronouncements on the state of our nation’s discrimination laws.It’savery odd thing when a tory starts campaigning for more discrimination laws – a very odd thing so it caught my eye.

 

For my readers who are not UK based a quick thumb nail of British Politics. We have three major parties. On the right the Conservative party (they used to be called The Tory Party and were established in 1678) In the middle we have the Liberal Democrats (they used to be called The Whigs and were also established in 1678). And on the left we have the Labour Party ( they used to be called The Fabian Societyand were established in 1884). Crudely they represent: The Upper Classes, The Middle Classes and the Lower Classes… but that has all got a bit muddied since the Upper Classes lost their land, the Middle Classes lost their accents and the working classes got Plasma TV’s. Okay…we’re all up to speed? Good. I’ll continue…

 

Lord bless the Conservative Party in the UK for giving British History some of its greatest moments of complete and utter loonacy… there is something about the extreme privledge that most of these people come from that allow them to come out with quotations that show a grip on reality up there with Marie Antoinette’s suggestion that if the peasants have no bread then perhaps the should consume their cakes!

 

Our Dom… (yes, in a bid to get the illusive common touch Tory MP’s follow their leader [David ‘Dave’ Cameron] by giving themselves working class abbreviations)… seemed to confuse having rights under legal protection with being able to take over. He failed to understand that the protect exisits because the prejudice is still there. Our Dom felt the granting of rights to women tookaway rights from men. He went as far as to criticise UK equalities chiefs for ignoring “flagrant discrimination” against the males of our nation, claiming that men were now getting a “raw deal” in many areas of life. He suggested that, like the feminists who burned their bras in the 1970s, men should start “burning their briefs” to draw attention to discrimination against men.

 

I kid you not he was being serious. He thinks men get such a raw deal in the modern world that their plight is akin to what women suffered before the campaigns of the 1960’s and 1970’s to move towards equality in pay and opportunity. He claimed men got a “raw deal” as they worked longer hours, died earlier but retired later than women – and that the population were blind to “some of the most flagrant” discrimination that poor men suffer these days. He doesn’t think any moves in thses post feminist times have helped either. And if you don’t believe me here is a direct quote from our Dom“Feminists are now amongst the most obnoxious bigots. You can’t have it both ways. Either you believe in equality or you don’t. If you buy into the whole Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus theory of gender difference – with all its pseudo science – you can’t then complain about inequalities of outcome that flow both ways from those essentially sexist distinctions.”

Okay…I spent a lot of time chortling with laughter. Did our Dom really believe that men are having such a hard time? Did he also really think that because someone reads “Men are from Mars….” that they are trying to do men down!(For heavens sake it is a relationship self-help book! The whole point of it was to make the genders be nicer to each other!) But then I read on and it became clear that Our Dom was thinking that all the serious issues regarding the limits on opportunity for women had gone. In fact Our Dom was not only promoting that argument he was promoting the argument that it was men who were were now in need of protection. So certain was Our Dom in his convictions that he was burning his Calvins and summoning his brothers to do the same!

 

I’d like to think Our Dom was just one more mad Tory, however… this ability to think that prejudice against women does not exist because of positive forward moves towards a more balanced frame of mind made me stop and think. What is it about small improvements that make us assume that prejudices have gone away, flipped the other way around or just reduced to the point that it’s tantamount to fanning the flames to even think about any more.

 

Because lets get it straight … a prejudice is the act or state of holding unreasonable preconceived judgements or convictions. And kid yourself not there will be detriment or injury caused to a person by the holding of preconceived, unfavourable conviction of others.

 

Put in straight talking JaxWorld stylee… YOU WILL WOUND OTHERS IF YOU HAVE PREJUDICED IDEAS.

 

And I hate that… I hate the thought that I could judge prematurely or irrationally about a particular group of persons because I held an injurious and ill informed point of view.So, I thought I’d have a look to see if I was as informed as I thought about groups who suffer real discrimination and if by the passing of protective laws their problems had in fact gone away. Here are the big five… Gender, Race, Disability, Sexual Orientation and Religion.

 

Because each of these groups now have laws protecting them from prejudices do I , like OUR Dom hold opinions formed without knowledge of the facts regarding the level of prejudice these groups still have to deal with?

 

GENDER: UK Law protecting the populace from discrimination in this area came in in 1975 and made it illegal to refuse someone an opportunity because they have breasts and a uterus. In employment this meant providing they were qualified and the best candidate they should get the job and their pay should not reflect a difference betwenn them and a male doing the same role either. Of course the reality (though clearly not Our Dom’s) is that jobs (esp at the top end) and opportunities still do not reflect the amount of women qualified to get them. On the employment front women earn twenty per cent less than men in the developed world. Globally the burnt of poverty in the developing world is borne by women. Sexism subtle and not so subtle is in play in society’s worldwide which has led to broad negative generalisations about the capabilities of women. And yet Dominic Rabb said “despite the UK having some of the toughest anti-discrimination laws in the world, its society was often blind to flagrant discrimination against men”. Sexism is very often still a one way reality as much as Our Dom does not wish to recognise it.

 

RACE: UK Law protecting the populace from discrimination in this area came in in 1976 and made it illegal to refuse someone on the basis that their race is different from yours. Of course the reality is that on the grounds of ethnic or national origins, colour or race, persons still find themselves barred from opportunities in housing, employment, education and social opportunity daily. Globally race and wealth disparities are glaringly obvious with the gap between rich and poor mirroring the difference in human complexion. Non-indigenous has become the new word for a darker hue in the UK as opportunity for those of ‘non- indigenous’ background is reduced by some 32.7% compared to identical candidates of ‘indigenous background’ according to government statistics.(According to the last census of a population of 60,587,300 it was recorded that 53,462,666 are white British or white other). And yet fear of swamping the indegenous peopleof the UK continues as Amy from Kent a female BNP voter from the 2010 UK election said “There is no difference between black and white in Britain any more, you can see that on my daily commute into London which accurately reflects the demographics of the population of the UK” Racism is very often still a one way reality as much as Our Amy does not wish to recognise it.

DISABILITY: UK Law protecting the populace from discrimination in this area came in in 1995 and made it illegal to refuse someone the basis that their physical or mental ability needs more support than yours. The whole ‘Does he take sugar?’ attitude of talking to the carer and ignoring the caree’s desires has apparently been eradicated with a wealth of education about various impairments and the resources need to level the playing pitch. However on education 23% of disabled people have no qualifications compared to 9% of non disabled people and on employment of the 1.3 million disabled people in the UK who are available for and want to work only 50% of them are in work compared with 80% of the non disabled people who are available for and want to work. Though on mobility there has been a huge improvement with disabled access being at the forefront of design of everything from buses, to shopping malls, to offices. And yet Major Owens (a disabled ex-serviceman) comments “People didn’t used to see a person with a disability who had to use a ramp or lift as people who have been given unnecessary privileges. But now people are saying, ‘Why do we have to go to great expense for these people?” Ableism is still with us as much as our building regulations do not wish to reflect it.

 

 

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: UK Law protecting the populace from discrimination in this area came in in 2003 and made it illegal to refuse someone on the basis that their sexual orientation is different from yours. Heterosexuality, Homosexuality, Bisexuality and Asexuality was left out of the United Nations Universal Declarations of Human Rights then it dawned on someone during a tea break in the British Camp that such an omission meant it would be legal for any one of the four groups to do something unspeakable to each other so the UK cobbled together some protection for her citizens. (Some tea break it took from 1946 to 2003!) Recent statistics still show disparities between opportunity to those who are open about any sexuality other than heterosexuality. And yet when the law was passed reservations about doing so were summed up by Lord Tebbit who said “ Protection in Law is about protecting the right to BE. The concerns expressed this evening are primarily about the right to practice sodomy which is about doing, not being” Homophobia is exclusive as much as Lord Tebbit clearly pointed out.

 

RELIGION: As with all things religious Laws to protect religous beliefs came in a cloud of controversy… The first real law came in to just one province (NORTHERN IRELAND) in 1969, then the rest of the UK in 2003 (cherry picking a few religions) then was updated in 2010 (to include a few more). The big problem is although we all know religious discrimination is valuing or treating a person or group differently because of what they do or do not believe it’s hard to practice. Trouble is if you don’t believe what the other person believes then your tenancy not to recognise it is a religion at all let alone being in need of protection. Hence in the UK if you believe in the various Christian, Jewish, Sikh, Muslim, Buddhist, Hindu, Jain, Rasta, Baha’i or Zoroaster faiths… then you are covered. Philosophical beliefs like Humanism are also covered. BUT… meanwhile there are groups who complain they are not on the list and suffer unspeakable discrimination because their faith is seen as different. For a quote only one Brit will do Bertrand Russell who died the year after the first law to promote religious tolerance was passed, he did not hold out much hope and said “Collective fear stimulates herd instinct, and tends to produce ferocity toward those who are not regarded as members of the herd”. With Islamaphobia rapidly becoming our nations new sport, not a lot has changed since Mr Russell pointed that out.

Funny how looking at the real picture suddenly informs your opinion.

 

When looking at the real picture I had a little trip to the National Office of Statistics home to all our National Censuses going back to the Doomsday book of 1086). Most polls you can afford not to trust, (I mean how many times have you been stopped and asked about YOUR bedroom habits or how often YOU do housework) – but the Census, we all know. We all take part. We know we can trust the results.

 

I noticed that I live in a country where 51% of the living population are female.

Is this the statistic that sent Our Dom over the edge feeling Women were everywhere about to overthrow his world? Is that extra 2% of females over males a threat to him. (Calm down Our Dom it’s the over 65 band that shows the swell, it’s those living longer women you were maning about!…and they aren’t taking your jobs, your homes, your freedom!)

 

But joke about Our Dom I may, but when I looked at the statistics I realised that I’m prejudiced. Like Our Dom the real picture, if I was entirely honest does prejudice my idea of what is normal. Do I percieve people who falloutside the majority as a threat?

I live in a country where 90.94% of the living population are white.

I live in a country where 89.72% of the living population are able bodied.

I live in a country where 98.7% of the living population are heterosexual.

I live in a country where 71.6% of the living population are Christian.

 

To my horror, if I am entirely honest… it does. As educated as I am, as liberal as I am, as much as I know it is wrong this information feeds my view of the world. I make judgements about anyone who is NOT white, able bodied, heterosexual and Christian. If I’m entirely honest there is a nanosecond where someone almost has to prove that my adverse opinion of them(formed beforehand and without any knowledge or examination of their personal facts) needs adjusting. The majority rule… now they do not have to apply for that first level of approval… but every one else…. sorry there IS a nanosecond where they have to prove they confound my ill informed stereotype of the cateogory (ies) the don’t subscribe to. Does this mean I am one of those awful bigots who make exceptions for the people they know but suspect everyone else who doesn’t fit the majority profile – because they aren’t part of the herd? Do you?

 

And if you think you don’t …ask yourself again and be honest this time.

 

Funny thing is I don’t even tick all of those boxes myself! Just one look at me and you can see I don’t. ..but if I am honest, which I am being I am guilty of submitting to prejuidice. I just had my head in the sand about it.

 

DAMN YOU Dominic Rabb MP… I hate it when in trying to prove someone is a complete ill informed idiot who needs to check his facts before shooting his mouth off… I discover that there is another who maybe needs to check hers.

 

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BLOG 138: Deliciously Cheap!

Friday, 21 January 2011

Blog 138: Deliciously Cheap!

“If you DON’T go in the kitchen you WON’T get burnt… But you WILL go hungry” Me to my son

 

Britain is a Do-It-Yourself crazed nation. Nothing counts as truly good unless we learn how to do it ourselves, and preferably in our own homes. We create guru’s from people who are quite good at a skill- they are given hours of media time and deliver their broadcasters high viewing figures. Their books fly off the shelves as people clamour to learn exactly how to get the same results. Such is the power of a guru who will show you how to DIY that Governments will set policy by the recommendations of these people.

 

Delia Smith, Gary Rhodes, Rick Stein, Antony Worrall Thompson ,Phil Vickery, Ainsley Harriott, Gordon Ramsay, Clarissa Dickson-Wright, Nigella Lawson, Jamie Oliver and Heston Blumenthal. Heard of these people?Of course you have. Between them they clock up almost half our national TV schedule-and what are they?..they are people who can cook. TV Chefs if you like. ( I know that is what THEY prefer to be called.) And the hours and hours (and HOURS) of TV time they and their ilk take up has substainably changed the average Brits relationship with his kitchen.

 

The UK has always been sniffed at for its cooking skill. It was a nation known for it’s ability to boil the living daylights out of anything. This has changed. Our greatest critics (the French) are coming to grips with the fact skills abound on the opposite side of the channel to them. Alain Ducasse, France’s most famous chef, declared London the gastronomic capital of the globe. He is not alone… Restaurant magazine declared the UK’s Fat Duck restaurant is officially “The Best Restaurant In the World’. We can prepare a plate of grub here – and that’s a fact.

 

So… if we’ve learned how to cook better to the point that even the French are applauding… we should be happy…Yeah?

 

Well actually… No.

 

Believe it or not even in the face of all this free DIY guru information on what to cook there has been a national decline in cooking ability. Oh and this is coupled with rising health problems caused by poor diet and lack of food preparation skills. Apparently despite all the information out there the vast majority of us Brits claim it is easier and often more cost efficient to buy cook-in sauces and ready meals(and here is the rub …branded by the DIY Guru’s off the telly) than it is to make the meal from scratch.

 

Despite knowing that packaged food is full of binding agents and things that generally are not good for us, despite watching hours and hours of how to cook a meal telly programmes.. your average Brit would rather get his or her sustainance from a packet or a jar!

When questioned further the top two reasons why come down to not having the correct cooking equipment and not having to hand the store cupboard essentials to which the addition of between 2 to 5 fresh ingredients will make a meal for up to four people at a fraction of a ready meal cost. Being healthy is often a goal set far in the future, but saving money is a here and now thing. Yet even in the face of the worst financial crisis this country has seen in donkey years… even the motivational thought of saving money is not luring the average brit from a jar of Ragu or a packet of Tecso Finest.

 

I know I would much rather reduce my grocery bill and have more cash left for fun things than hand it over to the supermarkets. I know my friends feel much the same with an average UK grocery bill of £80pw, we feel quite smug that we spend so much less but eat so well. We know it’s down to the fact we make our own sauces, gravies, salad dressings and either make up recipes or copy what ever the latest TV chef is up to for our mains. I have to admit watching Gino D’Acampo has proven rather an enjoyable distraction(and not just for us girls!) And yet I also have friends who routinely claim no knowledge of how to make idiot proof dishes such as Fish-cakes, Cottage Pie, Beef Stir fry or Macaroni Cheese. I have even caught friends buying rotisserie chicken… claiming it is cheaper than doing it at home because they lack the equipment!

 

You know what… as most of my friends have kitchens that make estate agents [realtors to my American readers] drool- I wanted to see for myself how on earth this could be. Well… at a surface glance their kitchens looked well equipped… until you really looked at what these people had furnished them with. There were cappuccino machines… and garlic presses… and ice cream makers, and deep fat fryers, and sandwich makers, and salad spinners and espresso machines,… oh and George Foreman grills, apple corers, and electric carvers. One friend even had a set of Ginsu Knives (a terrible trend from the late seventies to mid eighties… no one knew what they were for but everybody bought them) so I suspect guilt on the part of his parents passing on that piece of toot.

 

It became clear that despite the best and shiniest equipment from the likes of DeLonghi, Krupp, Breville, Hobbs and ProCook… there was bugger all that would be useful to make a day-to-day meal. And don’t start me on pots and pans…. it seems these days cookware is for show… hundreds of pounds spent on cooper bottomed monstrosities to hang from the ceiling… but not to put on the stove.

 

When I pointed this out, I was told that they had no idea what on earth you really need in a kitchen. Apparently their parents were in such haste to get rid of their Ginsu knives set… they forgot to pass this information on. So despite the current wealth of information on how to cook meals cheaply, healthily and quickly… this group ofmy friends have always lacked the ability to cook simply because they set up their kitchens wrong (in some cases decades ago) and cannot be asked to do it again because it will cost too much.

 

OH PHAAAFFF!!! What a rubbish excuse!

 

Look…its simple you need the following equipment to NEVER be caught in a recipe and find you can’t complete the task. So here are less than 20 items, most of which you can pick up at the pound shop:

 

2 Saucepans. A small saucepan is great for boiling vegetables, eggs, potatoes. A larger one is useful if you are going to cook a soup or a huge stew.

 

Measuring Jug A large plastic measuring jug is not only useful for measuring liquids like water and stock, but can also be used as an impromptu mixing bowl for eggs.

2 Frying Pans Get a good non stick one with high sides to do every thing from a hangover cure brekkie to a stir fry and a thin-edged one that is perfect for pancakes and omelettes.

Sieve Perfect for getting rid of lumps and also doubles as a colander to drain water from pasta, vegetables and anything else that needs separating from liquid

Mixing Bowl I hate to advertise but Pyrex is the brand you want here as they are heatproof. Mix up stuff that ends up on your plate as anything from burgers to cakes.

Hand Held Blender Because food processors are stupid and bulky and blenders are quicker than going to the gym to get arms strong enough to smush food.

Chopping Board Maybe more than one so you don’t cross-taminiate, but one will do to stop you chopping into the surfaces.

Potato Masher Mashes everything not just spuds!

Vegetable Peeler Unless you WANT to eat the skin on fruit and veg

Can Opener Some things are best in cans and not all cans are ring-pull… think ackees, fish, coconut milk, chopped tomatoes… not just beanz!

Grater Grating garlic, ginger, stale bread for breadcrumbs etc… not just cheese

Whisk Because there are many more interesting ways to strain your wrist than beating eggs

Spatula The best bit of plastic you will EVER buy… gets all the left overs out a mixing bowl!

Wooden Spoon These don’t scratch the bottom of saucepans when stirring.

2 Knives A small one for when you don’t need a huge knife to cut something – like cheese. And a Large one to chop herbs, meat, garlic, the works.

 

The next horror was the inside of my friends kitchen cupboards. It was like they have no idea what the meaning of the words DRY STORAGE are! What the hell people are doing with jars of celery seeds, lemon mint, pink pepper and saigon cinnamon I will never know! You need salt, you need pepper, you’ll need a few herbs and spices… and (yes this is the UK so you’ll defo need tommy ketchup and a bottle of HP sauce)… but if you don’t know what it is for… put it in the bin. You need the space in your kitchen cupboards for REAL dry storage items that will go into REAL meals!

It’s an easy shopping list,get em in. Top em up… they will never let you down!These are the basic items which will keep for ages and serve you well.

Basmati Rice: Our nations number one dish is curry but you’ll also to make rice with bits and bobs in your fridge.
Canned Tomatoes: An absolute necessity to put in bolognese,soups, cottage pie…
Caster Sugar: Use itto sweeten everything from a cuppa todesserts.
Chicken/Vegetable Stock Cubes: It’s endless what these are used for totally essential for gravy, soup,risottos etc… great for seasoning meat too
Coconut Milk: Amazing to have so you can look like Nigella turning boring food into Thai green curry, or coconut soup with chicken or prawns with little skill.
English Mustard: Not only to accompany food but to flavour it (amazing in mash spuds) and makes a great salad dressing
Garlic: Garlic will keep in a cupboard for 2–3 weeks.
Ginger: Gives a Thai/Asian feel to savoury dishes and gives a kick to booze and flavour to desserts.

Noodles: Egg and rice noodles, are great for stir fries and side dishes
Onions: A must must-have. Buy both red and white varieties; they have a shelf life of 2–3 weeks . Spring onions (when in season) give an exotic touch to any dish.
Pasta: A zillion delicious varieties, so don’t just buy penne and spaghetti.
Plain Flour: Ideal for everyday baking and for thickening sauces and gravy
Ready-made Pizza Bases or pizza base sachets: Cheap home-made pizza need I say more?
Olive Oil: Not only for cooking with but is the basis of a zillion saladdressings.

Soy Sauce: Great for oriential cooking but also does the same job as tabasco or worcester sauce depending on measurement

Sunflower Oil: Great for frying, but also a drop in boiling water stops food sticking to the pan.
White Wine Vinegar: A must-have for salad dressings- just add olive oil and/or mustard.

 

There you go.

Problem solved.

 

If you have the right equipment and the right store cupboard essentials there ain’t one meal, Heston, Nigella, Gordon or Jamie could come up with that you couldn’t rustle up yourself. Most of the time you just have to buy a handful of fresh ingredients and voilà!

 

I can see no reason to waste money on ready done supermarket fayre if you have a kitchen at home. You’ve got an oven, you’ve got a hob and you’ve got a microwave… so use them! Just follow the recipe the telly taught you, use your pots, pans and store cupboard bits and you’ve put £20 a week BACK in your pocket… MINIMUM!

 

Cooking is EASY. It’s actually fun. You get MORE food than you’ll ever get in a supermarket ready meal. And the money you save by making your own dinner be it a pizza, a burger or a Thai Green Curry would be better and more satisfactorily spent down the pub.

 

And when you do… remember..mine’s V&T with lime.

CHEERS!!!

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BLOG 137: SHOW OFF!!!

Tuesday, 18 January 2011

 BLOG 137: SHOW OFF !!!!

"Showing off is just the fools idea of glory" BRUCE LEE

As much as most of us know that ANY reaction is a good reaction to them..we just don’t seem to pull of ignoring a show off. To be fair though, it is hard to ignore as showing-off is irritating, in your face, “look at moi, look at moi” behaviour. Show-offs generally get what they want – heaps of attention ranging from comments such as “aren’t you so clever!” through to having“For the love of munkis put a ruddy sock in it” screamed in their face – thus many find it this active ‘Notice Me’ behaviour very rewarding.

I want to go on the record as saying…. I RUDDY DON’T!!!! it does my head in when people start on the old validation through tremulous applause route. NO… I will not applaud your every action from sun up to sun down. No sit down shut up.

I had dinner with a great pal of mine recently, who is a comedian by trade. (If any job involves more opportunity to stand alone before thousands having your every utterance appreciated… then do let me know) But whilst discussing a mutual friend (who has a legendary talent for showing off) he said that if she once more rubbed his face in it about how multi-skilled/talented/generally brilliant she was he was gonna have to resort to violence! (Though the way he described the particular violent act was testimony to just how great he is at HIS job… hilarious).

I have to admit I agreed. This particular mutual friend IS without a doubt a lovely girl… but man! she don’t half show off. And it’s not just the boasting – she also has aside line in self-effacing whinging which also comes out as “look at moi, look at moi”… and also demands the obligatory “aren’t you so clever! She is particularly thoughtless to the circumstances of her given audience on any particular day. I recall once she had an unfortunate accident whilst skiing which resulted in her having to hobble about on crutches for a few months till her leg set. I will not take it away from any former able bodied person that having to use crutches is a trial. Especially in London. London has been a major settlement for two millennia now, so does not have in it’s central design ease of access for the disabled (however temporary). So my friend was huffing and puffing trying to negotiate her way around Paddington Station rail and tube. She spied the lift down to the platform and availed her self of it. Also waiting for the lift was a gentleman in wheelchair. She gave him the ‘comrade in arms’ look and when he returned a smile she said loudly (with that slight pivot that show offs do to ensure any passing ear benefits from their every utterance) “Gosh you are so lucky, they have ramps and everything for you, I tell you it’s MURDER trying to get onto the train with crutches”. Whilst I tried to shrivel my entire form into the ground with shame, I heard the gentleman in the wheelchair soothe my show off friend with the obligatory “aren’t you so clever!”

As my comedian friend said during our dinner the other night… “Only she could think that a wheelchair user is better of than a person with their leg in a temporary splint!”

But that’s the thing about a show off. THEY need to glorified… it doesn’t matter what the other persons reality is… the only thing that needs to be recognised and applauded is THEM. Show offs come in many forms. We all know the bragger. The Kanye West of every crowd.

 ASIDE: Actually I have a sneaking respect of Mr West…anyone who can brag to the extreme he does probably deserves all the accolades… take this little bit of genius showing off…My raps is better than yours. My plaques is better than yours. My tracks is better than yours – Let you have one but I’ll have to charge(I presume he did charge Kellis when she borrowed this riff for her hit Milkshake).

Where was I… yeah… Show offs come in many forms… the Bragger… If someone has done something extraordinary then YES of course they should be praised. If someone is doing well or if someone just needs a little recognition and support from the people who matter most to them… well OF COURSE that’s not bragging. If someone wants to draw attention to something they have done, will done or will do in the future… well OF COURSE that’s not bragging. Nothing wrong with drawing attention to yourself for worthy reasons… that’s how to get support when you need it, validation when you deserve it and is a major tenant of advertising. Nothing wrong with THAT at all. But pointless arbitrary bragging is different.

Bragging always sources from people who think that by merit of their very existence, they worthy of praise. If they had the world the way they’d like it… they’d live in a TV comedy… you know the ones I mean… the ones where the pre-taped audience burst into applause every time a certain character enters the room. I have no idea why these people can’t just get on with getting up, doing what the rest of us have to do, then going back to bed… but no….. APPLAUSE PLEASE!!! I got up at 6.30 am this morning YAY!!!! I work full time YAY!!!! I got my husband/flatmate/ cat(whatever) their dinner YAY!!! I did the ironing YAY!!! I had sex with my husband/flatmate/cat (whatever) YAY!!!. Oh My Giddy Aunt!!!…. these things are soooooooooooo mundane…. we ALL do them… ALL the time… sometimes all AT the same time!. WHY for the love of munkis do I have to applaud YOU???

Then there is the topper. Don’t matter what you have done…they’ve done it better. The worse thing about the topper is that they are the people who contact YOU. They approach YOU because they want to hear YOUR news. However, look at a topper when you talk to one. You’ll know because their eyes have glazed over. It doesn’t matter that they contacted you to find out how your new job is going and you are telling them all about it with great enthusiasm… they have NOT heard ONE word. As soon as you pause for breath… and often even before…they launch into a story about THEM. And you know what…most of the time what they are boasting about isn’t even more valid than what you’ve achieved. To a topper it doesn’t matter that you are now on the cusp of curing cancer because the most fascinating thing in the world is the fact they have a been praised to high heaven by their boss for the tea they made last Tuesday. And as a topper will always point out to you…THAT’S what really matters in the final analysis.

Of course the exceptionally expressive show off is the most embarrassing show off of them all.

For this band of show off it’s all about the volume. It’s a bit dodgy hanging out with this show off. Their need to be admired equates with turning heads and the fastest way to turn heads is to be the source of noise. They turn your table in a restaurant into the LOUDEST TABLE …they throw their head back and laugh so loudly as if to say “SEE WHAT FUN I AM HAVING”, They will talk inappropriately to complete strangers as if to say “WHAT A CARD I AM”… except everyone is really thinking “What a prat”. Not that the exceptionally expressive show off even notices… because to them they are the life and soul of the party… the cherry on everyone’s cup cake.

 And I suppose that is the worse thing about all the types of show offs is that initially show offs are fun. They are outgoing and good communicators… they certainly are not shy or tongue tied. The problem is that the fun is only initially. It really doesn’t take long for you to be wishing the ‘fun’ was over. The bigger problem is that the rest of us don’t want to be the pin in the show offs bubble. Popping someone’s bubble is a cruel thing to do. But popping your bubble is what a show off does to you every time they hog centre stage. They monopolise everyone’s attention so everyone ends up listening to them, admiring them, focusing on them. They think they set the bar of everyone’s aspirations when all they really do is push their friends and family’s bar of tolerance to annoyance higher and higher!

 But what can we do…eh? We all know show offs. We all find show offs entertaining (for a while at least). My friend the comedian pointed out to me that many in his trade (and now when I come to think about it mine too) are show offs because they are begging for the one thing that has a significant impact on their happiness… OTHER PEOPLE’S OPINIONS. They cannot estimate for themselves if they or their actions are worthy, so they need others to say ““aren’t you so clever!” For them it’s not something they’d quite like, it’s actually something they NEED to survive.

 Well I suppose that may be true. Inferiority complexes do spur people on to perform, to write, to create – so confound people who gave them the idea they were useless. From Eric Morecambe (terrible at school) to Oprah Winfrey (parent at 14) to Ernest Hemingway (useless at cello) … the need for praise has driven people to achievements way beyond initial expectations. I get the I’ll show ’em’ attitude. But that is NOT the same as showing off.

I used to pity show-offs. Their continual desire to make themselves the centre of things was to me a victimless crime. I used to subscribe to the school of thought that if someone has to show off they need something from you but you need nothing from them – so you’re not exactly a victim… but I think that is not the case.

We all know the house guest who while enjoying your hospitality has to keep pointing out that their home is bigger, better, ideally located… whom without ever saying anything negative about your home leaves you feeling underwhelmed by your own surroundings. We all know the proud parent who without ever once commenting on the fact you help your child nightly and employ a tutor..will tell you how many A*’s their child effortlessly gained at GCSE, leaving you feeling you have spawned a moron. We all know the fellow driver who, while you give them a lift home in your reliable practical and ozone-friendly(ish) car regails the horsepower of their recently purchased sports coupé…leaving you feeling that not just your is car dreary and unexciting.

Show off’s are only to keen to belittle other people’s achievements whilst on the quest to bigging up theirs. It’s ALL about them. It’s ONLY about them.

To allow them the stage is tacit agreement with them that your achievements are nothing.

I now subscribe to the school of thought that calls show off what they are- validation thieves. We ALL need validation from each other, and it’s just not right that some people deliberately go out of their way to steal the moments where validation should rightly be given to someone else. Human relationships are all about interdependence. I can’t think of any major achievement of our species that has ever happened without people coming together. We’re at our best when we support each other.

 It shouldn’t all be about one person all the time.

But sometimes… just sometimes I would really like to hog moments and make them ALL about me. Luckily there is a way folks…. Twitter anybody?!

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BLOG 136: HUGE

Wednesday, 12 January 2011

“I just accepted my breasts as a great accessory to every outfit.” Jennifer Love Hewitt

Big Jugs, Hefty Hooters, Monster Melons, Huge Humps, Blazing Bazongas, Colossall Coconuts! WOW!!! Substantial chest furniture just can’t go without comment. But did you know 64 million women around the world have breasts over a C cup? it’s really not such a rare thing. Some women have big boobs. I thought I’d just say it so we can all get over it. Some of women just do – ok? 64 million may not be the majority of womankind but they really are not freaks… it’s just one of the packages women come in. And to be frank it’s a highly desirable one.

And yet I know so many girls who just can’t get past the physiological problems that go with a large bust.

They just can’t get beyond other people’s perceptions of their womanly shape… if it’s not men leering at their ‘fun-bags’, it’s the-women-puberty-forgot thinking big boobed girls exist only to make them feel bad. The end result is women end up feeling ashamed of the way their body has developed…. some so much so that they consider the surgeons knife.

Is it just me? Doesn’t this seem just awful? Any surgery runs the risk of complications, including bleeding, infection, or reaction to the anesthesia. How terrible that women will put themselves through it just because their self esteem has been erroded by other peoples judgements.

 

One unshakeable truth about other people’s perceptions is that they CAN be managed. But in order for this to happen you have to realise the process starts with you. You have to over the fact that people are going to assume you’ve grown them on purpose. It is possible to live with happily ever after with your chest and not let the haters completely wreck your self confidence. Your boobs after all are a part of you – why risk surgery just because other people have a problem.

Given enough time you WILL get to the place Jennifer Love Hewitt is at.

I know of what I speak. Regular readers would have read Blog 17 (May 2009), where I recounted the high comedy horrors of my first proper bra fitting. To discover that my bodys production of estrogen and progesterone was so superior that as a teen I had rocketed to the 7th letter of the alphabet put me in a place that was not quite in synch with my desire to just blend in. I spent an awful lot of time explaining to people that the existance of my orbs in no way effected the sharpness of my mind or their own self worth. Given time they got over it – and more importantly so did I. I discovered I was free to get on with my life, no surgery required!

It seems odd having to justify the existence of a part of your own body, but once you do, you realise that it takes very little management of it to gain some confidence. It starts with realising that big boobs are nothing more than proof that puberty has happened! They don’t have to be on display 24/7 but they don’t have to be bound down and shrouded either. It’s a challenge sure, but just because it takes some forethought doesn’t mean it can’t be done.

They say men spend an awful lot of thinking about big boobs… but no one spends more time thinking about them than the owner of a pair! There are a lot of things to think about when you are taking a substantial chest with you into the world, you learn to do routine things quickly so that you can allow for this important process. I’m sure the reason why I can do full hair and make-up restyle in under 10 minutes is that if I only have 30 minutes to get ready… 20 of them are going to be taken up in consultation with my boobs!

With a full chest- it’s all about the foundations. Once we big boobed gals have been correctly measured we can stand proud knowing the right bra has removed the physical problems that go with the coveted hourglass silhouette. Without the right support you enter the world of back and neck pain, skin irritation, skeletal deformities and breathing problems . However, even when this is taken care of most big boobed girls suffer from extreme self-consciousness. This is because we are at odds with the wonderful world of standard trend based fashion which is based on a completely different silhouette. And as much as the hourglass was coveted by screen sirens… this type of figure is not easily fashionably clothed.

You just have to accept that the rules for dressing when you have big boobs have nothing to do with rolling trends of fashion. We of course can give nod to the latest trend but we know we have to adapt around a V-neckline, tapered waistlines, trousers that graze the floor when worn with heels, skirts that stop at the knee, tops that are 4-5 inches below the belly button, lapel free jackets, and halter-neck bathing suits. It’s an automatic demand that by ownership of this type of figure one must be self confident enough to break the dicates of the fashion of the day. Which is a tad unfair when simply possession of large boobs almost certainly makes the owner extremely self conscious!

But what don’t kill you makes you stronger. Like with anything it’s a case to learning to accept the deal nature gave you and learning to work with it. And anyway, it’s not all doom and gloom…every few years a 1950’s inspired fashion trend springs up and it’s all nipped in waists ,V-necklines,old skool glamour and we’re in clover. A big boobed girl may not be able to be fashionable but she sure can be a style queen. Once we have that covered… we can be fashionista’s… well sort of!

Like Jennifer Love Hewitt you just have to learn to let your décolletage accessorise your clothes.

Cause lord knows if you try regular accessories a large bust can turn an ordinary piece of jewellery from a fashionable accessory to a lethal weapon. Believe me I’ve been there. I arrive at the event looking red carpet perfect(us big boobed girls can fill evening wear like no other). I manage to eat the dinner without loosing half of it in my cleavage, and then it’s time for the dancing. Then suddenly someone is screaming with pain….and it’s my fault.

Yep. Necklaces(especially long ones)can be lethal when they turn a full chest into a trampoline from which they will bounce and smack passing persons…HARD. They say long necklaces draw the eye away from the bust but whomever ‘they ‘ maybe didn’t realise that in addition to whipping people, long necklaces turn into a lasso…. usually hooping one of your assets. That side-show hoopla look isn’t great – neither is the swing and slap. But what’s the alternative short necklaces that dangle in or get lost inside your cleavage? I remember my all too brief ‘rock chick’ look which had me wearing crucifixes on short leather chokers only to asked by a rock male of my acquaintance if I was doing so to make the catholic in him feel guilty for looking down my top! I’ve subsequently found that it’s just easier to settle for accessories on the wrist and earlobes and wear my décolletage unadorned.

Thing is with ANY body type there are things you can and cannot do. You just have to learn to love the glories and live with the limitations.

Okay it’s a bit of a pain not being able to have that ‘Pretty Woman in the Elevator’ moment… but let’s face facts… no one has ever offered me a necklace that happens to match my frock while I’m in the lift before being taken to the opera.

So.. I can live without necklaces.

Okay it’s a bit of a pain not being able to wear high street fashion straight off the peg…but let’s face facts… no one ever looked good in those dreadful straight across the décolletage batwing tops (even YOU Agyness Deyn!) It’s really not that much of a hardship going for the more flattering V-necks or scoop necklines.

So… I can live without high fashion.

Okay it’s a bit of a pain not being able to buy those cheap pretty bras available for the C cup and under brigade…but let’s face facts… who needs cheap undies when they can rock expensive lingerie…no one really looks fantastic in the best of Rigby and Peller or Agent Provocateur by filling lingerie with socks.

So.. I can live with a more luxurious rack.

Because of the shape nature gave us bigger boobed girls, we have handful of clothing restrictions to take note of but none of these things is really a genuine pain. Not when you consider how little it takes for us to ramp up the glamour of even the most mundane ensemble. The only genuine pains of having big boobs are when you allow others to pre-judge, pre- package and prevent you from living your life. It’s time to stand up straight, shoulders back and accept the package we are in.

Jennifer Love Hewitt highlighted correctly that her breasts are to her a great accessory and not a burden. The hourglass figure remains the western standard of what a woman’s body should be, even though only 8%of us actually have it. So frankly those of us lucky enough to be simularly blessed this way should simply just enjoy .

If you enjoyed this blog and you want to contact Jax or find out more about the JaxWorld blog, please log onto : http://thejaxworldblog.vpweb.co.uk/

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BLOG 135: The Right Time

Sunday, 9 January 2011

BLOG 135: The Right Time

 

“If you wait until the right time to have a child- you’ll die childless”James Cameron

 

It’s a curious thing the child debate. You spend the first part of your fertile years avoiding child production like the plague. To have a child before you have accomplished anything at all in your own adult life, is seen to be folly in the extreme. After all, if the whole point of having children is to pass on your learnt wisdom and experience – what would you have to give if all you yourself have known to date is your own childhood. This is not to say teen parents cannot be great parents just because they popped one out at 14, there are plentiful examples – however it is often thought best to wait… until the right time.

 

It takes a brave person indeed to buck the trend and be childless from choice. I would never attack those who make the choice to be childless, and I do not feel threatened in my choices by the existence of theirs. But you have to except that people who make this choice are a minority and most of us subscribe to the conventional wisdom that having a family of your own some day is THE point of it all.

 

After all, there are the photo albums (digital or hard copy) to think about!

 

Have you ever looked at the photo albums in the home of a childless couple of a certain age? Next time you do, try to pay attention and you will note that in these carefully put together tomes, no one grows up, no landmarks are commemorated, and no random persons appear. It’s just them, the same two people getting slowly older, maybe a little fatter. Sometimes to break the monotony there may be an exotic location before which they will stand in dark glasses (the shape and size of which may change over the years)… but in the main, it’s all just a little dull.

 

It takes the chaos of your own off spring to introduce at close quarters a wild card into your life – from the ‘friends’ at baby group, to the sports you’ll find yourself attending, to the families of your child’s significant other. Your photo albums at a certain age will reveal a diversity of experience a little wider than exotic holidays and attendance at other peoples events. I find it odd that the very thing that is supposed to tie you down is the very thing in the final analysis that opens your life right up. BUT, it is widely known that to get to this point one must wait until the right time which means certain things must be in place before going down this route.

 

Conventionally in the UK at least, the right time is thought to be once one has travelled substantially to open the mind, worked extensively to swell the coffers, and been hedonistic enough to put being selfish behind one.

 

Now that all seems to make sense: travel is not something that lends itself to the trials and tribulations of childrearing with ease, money is something that must be in regular supply if childrearing is to progress with any sort of satisfaction and there is little room for hedonistic activity with small dependants. A cosmopolitan, financially secure and well experienced adult is what we expect a modern parent to be. All you have to do is get to the point in your life where you are able to say- YES… it is now the right time.

 

Ahem.

 

Not so easy.

 

I mean…what does well travelled mean? Currently there are just under 200 countries in the world. Does well travelled mean that you would have visited each one? And how long do you have to be somewhere for it to count as a well travelled experience? Does a 5 star hotel count…or do you have to hang out with the natives?

 

The cost of raising a child in the UK is £9527 per year according to leading life assurance research. (If you go for the luxury model who goes to Uni for 3 years, you’ll be looking at £200,067 before that child is no longer your fiscal responsibility). So what are you supposed to do, wait till you have a ten grand pay raise before you pop one out? How many years worth of running costs should you have squirrelled away before you go commando on contraception?

 

Top adult pleasures are not always top with childrearing adults. It’s not just the getting drunk, dancing till dawn, jumping on a plane with a moments notice, mad passion on the kitchen table that poses the whole problem. (Though those things are all pretty much on the Not To Be Done for a Long While Yet list!) It is also such hedonistic activities such as having lunch outside of your own home (pubs don’t accept children and many restaurants locate family sections downstairs -with no lift ). So what are you supposed to do, wait till you’ve done everything you have ever wanted to do – then never leave your house again until your offspring are old enough to vote?

 

Thing is if you are going to wait till you have experienced every country on the planet, if you are going to wait till you have just over two hundred grand going spare, if you are going to wait till you have drank your last vino, danced your last tango and had your last spontaneous experience… then James ‘Avatar/Titanic’ Cameron is absolutely right…. you will NEVER find the right time.

 

Curiously, James ‘Avatar/Titanic’ Cameron was using the comparison of just picking up a camera and shooting anything with having a family. He said the tricky thing is deciding that you DO have the desire to take that path. Once that is done you just have to get on it. He reckoned he would have never have made any movies,if he waited until the time was right. Just as well…as he’s made a few that have gone down rather well. It’s as well that he turned out to be the sort of person who worked out what he wanted and just went for it, rather than waiting for the mythical right time.

 

I would like to add…Mr Cameron has SEVEN children.

 

I think the hardest decision of all is whether or not you want to be a parent and if you are cut out for that mighty undertaking. I really don’t think it matters if you’ve travelled to all six (or seven) continents. I really don’t think it matters if you are funded for every year of your off-springs life in advance. I really don’t think it matters that you haven’t danced your last fandango. But I really do think waiting for the right time will mean you will not be a parent.

 

No one knows the future- parents least of all. You just do it and keep doing it. There IS no right time.

 

It’s the ultimate leap of faith… you just do it… then some day you get out those photo albums and realise that faith was and continues to be repaid in ways you could have never foresaw.

 

If you enjoyed this blog and you want to contact Jax or find out more about the JaxWorld blog, please log onto :http://thejaxworldblog.vpweb.co.uk/

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BLOG 134: Call me

Monday, 3 January 2011

BLOG 134: Call me

“Men are cowards, we’d rather wait till the end of time than give a woman bad news”Greg Behrendt

 

It’s the third day of 2011. And once again my inbox is full of messages from girlfriends saying they met a wonderful man over the holidays and they are just waiting for him to call. In their fevered imaginations a first date looms for the new year and with it infinite possibilities of a life free from the shelf.

 

 

The shelf is not a place where women of innate hotness sit comfortably… every moment upon it is accompanied by the deafening soundtrack of questions regarding how on earth it could be that a woman of such wit, beauty and desirability could possibly be there in the first place. It rocks self esteem to the core… watching the girls of lesser vantage be snapped up while your status remains unchosen. Thus the party season at the end of the year is much anticipated by the singleton women of my acquaintance. For many the general bonhomie of the season has resulted in contact details being exchanged with a man who lavished attention upon them at one of Yuletide gatherings. And, of course, he promised to call.

 

 

You know, it grieves me how much time sensible intelligent women spend checking phones. Alexander Bell designed the damn things with a loud tinkle to attract your attention should there ever be someone at the other end. Please stop staring at your phone! Pardon me for stating the obvious… if it isn’t ringing… no one is calling.

 

 

Thing is part of the sport of a party is to flirt. It’s a much a part of the event for a man as buying a new outfit is for a woman. And as much as most women probably indulged their appetite for alcohol and nibbles to excess over the party season, so it is that many men may have said ‘I’ll call you’ in excess too. Men enjoy a good flirt and they can see by the twinkle in your eye you did too and they wish to exit the moment on high. So they walk away with an exchange of contact details and an “I’ll call you” and hope that the subtlety of a non ringing phone would be enough to convince you it was just flirting.

 

 

I know it was just a movie, but Nora Ephron knew what she was talking about when she wrote that line in Harry met Sally: “When (a man) realises he has met the person he wants to spend (time with),he’d like (time with that person) to start as soon as possible”.

 

 

Fact is, if a man genuinely likes you… he’ll call.

 

 

Waiting around for a date on an “I’ll call you” is the equivalent of trying to board a flight with just a vague travel agent quote. I keep saying this over and over to my friends but it falls on deaf ears. I looked at my inbox today and even my most sensible of acquaintances have had their head turned by some Yuletide flirting and are still waiting for ‘schedules to clear’ so that first date can take place. Oh dear… so little changes from when we were 15 and all this was new. At least then we had ignorance as an excuse. HOW CAN I MAKE THIS CLEARER…., you do NOT have a ticket to board this flight, so will you please leave the first date departure lounge.

 

 

Maybe the travel analogy was too hard. Let’s try something we all understand. Cats.

 

Have you ever seen a cat with a toy on a string, they bound blindly after it and perform all kinds of feats to catch it. I’m yet to see a cat chase after a stationary object. Of course if you draw its attention to a stationary object… out of boredom they may reach out a languid paw and bat it a few times – but they are not engaged with it. They know they have it there but it have no real interest in it. They are hard-wired to chase and capture. It’s nature.

 

 

Not saying men are like cats per-Se but there is a loose analogy here. Men like to chase after what they want and jump through hoops to possess it. They just aren’t too good a valuing what they can come by easily. They actually really like not knowing if they can get something and (especially when the chase has been a long one) really value the prize when they’ve caught it.

 

 

So you can sit by the phone or you can send him social networking messages, you could even ‘accidentally on purpose’ run into him – but the fact remains… he never called you. And in that lies the clue. He was just flirting, he doesn’t want it to go any further than that.

 

 

One e-mail I received had an acquaintance asking me whether or not she should ask the gentleman out as it has now been two weeks since she last heard from him. She claims to have had such chemistry with him when they met and he did call a couple of days after they met saying he was really crazy at work right now but he’d love to see her when his schedule calmed down.

 

 

I know it’s unfashionable in these days of ‘sisters doing it for themselves’ but as my wise friend Miki said only recently “You should never have to ask for what you naturally deserve”. Yes there has been a gender revolution… and yes, women can and do and are able to do all kind of things they were barred from due to possession of breasts and a uterus. Women are powerful and have control to lead full eventful lives,and I for one am grateful for it. But what is more empowering than someone trying to secure YOUR attention. Give that power away at your will girls, but I for one will not chuck that away reverse the situation.

 

 

So I’m afraid I e-mailed my friend back and advised against putting herself in the role of a stationary toy to a bored cat.

 

 

Look, I’m no relationship expert. Especially as after all I’m still single… so what do I know you are probably thinking. But, having had over a quarter century of long term relationships and now being on the front line of grown dating for the past half a decade does give me the unique perspective. I have a deep understanding of both camps and what it takes to move from one to the other. And to quote my wise friend again (who is successfully and happily married)“You should never have to ask for what you naturally deserve”.

 

 

If there was chemistry enough to be a spring board to a relationship… he’ll call. A woman does not HAVE to ask… no matter what century she is in.

 

 

Men are inspired to do remarkable things to find a partner. Crazy schedules, complicated lives, lack of contact details… nothing will stop a man if he is really interested in a woman.

 

 

I’ve known them travel great distances just to be with the one they think they want to know better. I’ve known them to risk being spurned by friends and family to give it a try with the ‘unsuitable girl’ they just can’t get out of their mind. I’ve known them to ring every H. Smith in the phone book just to find the one called Haley that they were chatting to in a bar.

 

 

A couple of facts:

 

Men know how to use phones.

Men know how to respond to a message.

 

 

And if they don’t call you. And if they don’t answer your message.It’s because they don’t want to take things any further with you.

 

So this is my new year address to all the women who have exchanged numbers with a guy this past party season:

 

HIS ACTIONS ARE SCREAMING THE TRUTH: HE WAS JUST FLIRTING!!!

Now, step away from the phone. Stop checking Facebook. Get out of the dating departure lounge as you don’t have a ticket.

 

 

There is a fresh new year of infinite possibilities out there, one of them may well be a date but if it is… he’ll call you, so right now there is a full and eventful life waiting to be lived. And IT is definitely calling you… RIGHT NOW!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

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BLOG 133:That was the Year that was

Wednesday, 29 December 2010

Blog 133: That was the Year that was

“The Optimist stays up till midnight to see the New Year in. The Pragmatist stays up to make sure the old year actually leaves” Bill Vaughan

Actually overall 2010 has been not bad. It has been a mixed blessing of sunshine and showers… but overall… not a bad year. But 2010 probably won’t figure in my list of favourite years… Most of the time in 2010 I was vaguely annoyed about something. I have a feeling this has been a transitionary year. That’s the trouble with transitionary periods, nothing is quite right yet. I have a strong feeling 2011 is the one to watch. But I can’t pontificate on what hasn’t happened yet, I can only let the last days of 2010 play out and see what the new year brings

However I can’t let the old one go without a little reflection. But in keeping with a vaguely annoying year… find my reflections are not a tranquil as one would hope at this time of year… but I find them amusing enough to share.

So in pure JaxWorld style…..here are my top 5 Most annoying things about TwentyTen:

1. Weather hysteria

SNOW!!!!Oh get over it! Winter in Northern Europe starts at the end of November but will end at the end of March. It may snow. Prepare. Grit. Carry on. (oh and get a shovel) HEATWAVE!!!!Oh calm down. Summer comes early in Northern Europe now. The sun will shine April to July – we will top 100 degrees fahrenheit. Stop planning outdoor events in August the rain WILL spoil them. (oh and get some factor 30+)

2. Passion what passion

When we finish panicking about our weather…it is amazing how often we get really emotional about something then completely forget about it… come on despite it going on for 3 months you’ve now forgotten about the BP oil spill and you are rather embarrassed about crying your heart out when the Chilean miners came up one by one. Haiti earthquake, Pakistan floods… we did care deeply honestly. How quickly we move on. Don’t believe me… Eyjafjallajökull used to something you could spell,locate and have a strong opinion on. (Yep, you had to google it…didn’t ya!)


3. Political actions by the politically ignorant

While we all laughed at Naomi Campbell’s political ignorance in accepting blood diamonds then whinging when she had to go to court over it… her home country does the same thing en mass. Yep…with the same wisdom that German blamed the Jews and sought a final solution… Britain blames the unemployed for the banking crisis and seek a final solution to benefits. Don’t start me on those who think blatant lies (Nick Clegg) or evil spin (Nick Griffin) are totally acceptable simply because we didn’t like the geezer before them.

4. Reality crazy

They make them because they watch them. That’s what they say. But who REALLY watches the reality shows they are making? The documentary style ones are vaguely informing and the competion ones are vaguely entertaining…. BUT dating, makeovers, lifestyle, docusoaps…who really needs to watch celebrity stylist clean a toilet on the M25? It’s the fact we won’t turn the telly off when this rubbish came of in 2010 has lead to the co-stars of Katie Price’s reality show all having their own shows and Xfactor failures Jedwood having more telly time than the Queen.


5. Life will never be the same

Face it. We started the year without i-pads and kinnects for our X-boxes and thought we were quite technically advanced. But now…. totally sane people will be remembering the night they spent in a sleeping bag outside the apple store just to be the 1st to have an i-pad. Meanwhile while a zillion kinnects are added to the Xbox….a zillion side ways glances at the dusty wii in the corner reminds us all that these things are just a short jaunt in time from being as useless as an 8-track in a Lamborghini Gallardo LP570-4.

So… that’s that. The year where in sport we lost the world cup by being arrogant wankers but will bring home the Ashes (which is just as well as we had them on us and didn’t really want to give them to a load of Aussies again). The year where we thought we were getting political by voting against a bad government yet got ourselves a worse one but will be shown the way by the young who seem to have woken from their slumber. The year where marrying a footballer seemed a bad idea as Mrs Cole,Mrs Rooney and Mrs Terry found out but marrying a royal seemed to give us all time of work. The year where we lost the talent of Alexander Mcqueen, the legend of Norman Wisdom and the passion of Claire Rayner but cracked bootiful turkey jokes about the passing of Bernard Matthews. The year where millions lost their jobs as the cuts began to bite but we all felt happy for the mystery lottery winner who went home with £120 million. The year where there was a significant rise in the amount of babies born in the UK, but none carried more weight than Sharon Needham’s 13lb 8oz baby boy Harry who arrived in April.

Yep there’s nothing like a little reflection to make you realise 2010 has been quite a year… but I have a feeling there are exciting times ahead. Wonder what 2011 will be bringing us all?

Happy new year everyone when it comes!

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